Saturday, June 24, 2006

Opened my Eyes

Are you strong enough
Do you feel my touch
You are the comfort in my eyes

Moving through the lust
Feeling dangerous
I wanna open the door to your life

The steps we take on the way to free our minds
And lives have changed by the way we free our minds
And being with you was the moment
I opened my eyes

When you sleep at night
Are your dreams delight
Do all your fantasies fill your head

I want to dance with you
With the midnight moon
Want emotion and do it again

Breathing in, breathing out your love
Breathing in, breathing out my love
Breathing in, breathing out your love

Come in closer now
To this love we found
Are you able to take this flight

It's come down to this
The first time we kissed
Like the ocean we sway you and I

Monday, June 19, 2006

my angel

I can fly

But I want his wings
I can shine even in the darkness
But I crave the light that he brings
Revel in the songs that he sings
My angel gabriel

I can love
But I need his heart
I am strong even on my own
But from him I never want to part
He’s been there since the very start
My angel gabriel
My angel gabriel

Bless the day he came to be
Angel’s wings carried him to me
I can fly
But I want his wings
I can shine even in the darkness
But I crave the light that he brings
Revel in the songs that he sings
My angel gabriel
My angel gabriel
My angel gabriel

Sunday, June 18, 2006

my only happiness

Something inside is dying. Each time I give of myself, it's taken, devoured and shit out. I'm so, very tired of doing this.

When I was younger, I was taught that love was enough, that love would save us all. I think the moment of adulthood starts the moment you realize just how alone we all are. It hurts being around people in love, knowing they have forever...or they're conception of it anyway. My rage tightens my throat. "What about me!" I want to scream.

How much of me can I lose before losing myself entirely? Steven comes back on Monday but in my mind, he's already gone. I snooped on his email and saw that while insisting on his fidelity, he was initiating contact with guys over the internet and trading pics. We both said we'd stop, but I know we haven't.

My despair is overwhelming. My only happiness holding Steven in my arms and pretending he cares as much as I.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Each night is an eternity, each day a prison sentence. Steven's gone to Virginia for a family event and I'm left by myself. I find myself turning to say something to him, or thinking what he may like for dinner when I realize...

This is probably a taste of what's to come. I have to face the fact that he really wants to leave. Although his words waver, his actions do not.

There are times when I can push it out of my thoughts, enough to seem normal. It seems I've only prayer now......that he will ..... make a committment with me.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006


i am so in love. I haven't felt like this in a very long, long time. My stomach's in knots and i feel all wretched cause he's away for a week.

I catch him just watching me sometimes and I wonder...why would he leave for Nevada. I know he's unhappy here, and I should just let him go...but when I look at him, I'm home. He worries that he brings too much strife into my life; how could I ever let him know just how much I need him.

He is like warm sunlight on my face.

Sunday, June 04, 2006


it's weighing down on me
his touches grow more infrequent
and last night, advances were not returned
they seemed tolerated, polite carresses given in return
no hand holding in the car
in fact, when I put my hand on his leg, he pulled his hands upward.

and now, he's going back to virginia for a week
a bus ride funded by his family
and now I know how much time I've left.