peace

I long for goodness and light, but some days...the weight of the past fills me with loathing. 

Getting flashes of how I've been disregarded, abused and forgotten.  I go outside and I see Adam talking to a guy he was planning on leaving me for, all the while making me believe we were solid.  John reading the personal ads in Nuvo right in front of me. Randy ghosting me. etc

I missed GenCon again this year.  Both money issues and my not wanting to be around people.  I feel hypocritical as I deride my mother for being a total recluse yet I find excuses not to do things. I miss the enjoyment of things...mostly the ability to just be in the moment. 

It's not all doom & gloom though.  I find peace with my babies or when I'm gaming.