Tuesday, December 25, 2012


Christmas Eve 2012

Another year is over, what have I done?  Managed or prevent the loss of my left leg, I don't know.  I've spent the last ten days alone.  Just a few text messages and a couple of phone calls. My new friends seem to be unreliable in keeping their plans.  Bought the ugly sweater party and the masquerade ball go cancelled due to last minutes excuses. 

My left leg and foot has really been scaring me for a week.  It's very swollen and aches when I sit up for longer than three minutes.  I noticed it when I took my final on the 13th.  I keep checking but there are no signs of infection. 

I stopped taking my prozac and can tell a big difference.  I feel things more; the days don't just drift by like endless commercials.  On the opposite end, I think my infatuation with Erick has ran it's course.  He's kinda dumb, and not in that sexy way.  He does stuff like pronouce Cyrus as Serious. I think he watch too much Harry Potter.

The annual Christmas tragedy is in full swing.  Family is fighting, and I'm in self imposed exile.  Aunt Mary's Christian Guilt Trip Money arrived, and true to tradition, I spent it on stuff she would totally disapprove of my buying.

School is done, and I've so much time on my hands.  My days are not structured, I sleep erratically and eat when I'm bored.  I'm so dissatisfied with everything.

Friday, December 07, 2012


Friday Night

Waiting on people to arrive for Vampire Game.  Lights out cept for candles and house smelling like incense. 

I've been really down lately, some days doing nothing but playing Civ 5 and eating.  I went three days without taking a shower or meds.

I'm at the end of the last semester of school, unemployment has ran it's course.  Hoping disability kicks in on Dec 19th or im screwed.

I was proud of myself for getting dressed last night and going to the store.  hah....impressed. then today I find Simeon in Chicago doing live music performances.  Another friend is an artist in Belgium....

What have I done?  No children, just years pretending with John and years spent holding on the the idea my knight will come.

I'm getting close  to the end.