Love, Crooked Love

My heart beats out of time
With the constant pounding in my head
Fear, heartless fear
It pulls me away from my dying dreams of
Love, evil love
A constant craving to be heard
Time, wretched time
Has stolen away the only things I've ever held dear

I have never known love
I have wanted you all this time

And every time I try
I'm diving harder towards the ground
Oh, I think I can fly
But my heart has spun me upside-down
Love, crooked love
It drives a stake into the soul
Pain, precious pain
It's caused by those that we are the closest to

And I don't need your sympathy
To find my way
And all I've ever struggled for
Was love, crooked love

I have never known love
I have wanted you all this time
I have never know love
To be anything but a lie
I've hated you all my life

peace with myself.

a week of extremes. First, the bad. I discovered a diabetic ulcer on my big toe friday morning. It really freaked me out; had visions of gangreen and amputations. I called off from work and rushed to the doctor. Several times I broke down while driving my my lovely friend Katie got me laughing. Thank god for her.

I have no one to blame but myself really. I have not been consistent with my insulin, nor have I taken my metformin. And honestly, that peanut butter I've been buying, or that chocolate bar as sympathy food isn't helping either. So here I was, with an open wound on my toe and didn't even know it. I need, have to take care of this. I can't be that person anymore.

I'm on antibiotics 4 times a day, and having to wear one of those funky chinese shoes. We'll see friday how things are going, but I see a difference already. The doctor didn't seem overly concerned, but maybe he realized I was in a state. I was afraid my puppy sophie had broken the skin and it got infected, but the dr told me it was a pressure would. He showed me how my toe isn't as flexible as my other, and that I'd been putting too much pressure one it. Couple that with the diabetes, and a "bed sore" happened. I need to get better shoes.

Now for the good news, and dare I say it? I met this really, sexy, cool, funny guy online about a week ago. I must confess I'm smittened. We'lll see how it goes though. I have little faith in meeting guyss online; something always seems to happen. I need to stay based in reality, but not too critical either. The more i find about about him, the more I like. Even his faults are cute.

Here are the holidays, and I've at least tried to make peace with my family. Theresa accepted, Diane did not. All that matters is that I have peace with myself.

and I'm absolutely in love with my puppy. even if she's a biter and I've got two facial wounds.