It's been a very long time since I've put my thoughts into written word. I've been taking a moral stock of my past deccisions and trying to adjust to all the recent changes in my life.
Most of these changes have come to pass in the last two months. Since my 2013 amputation, I went into reclusion. I didn't really want to live anymore. The only things I cared about were my friends and gaming. Most of my 'friends' turned out not to be, and my gaming sessions went with them.
I'm now going to dialysis three times a week. I feared getting to this stage, but it's not really that bad actually. The major hassles are getting there in inclimate weather and setting still for four and a half hours. It's not painful anymore. Getting there is a process though as I have to use a manual wheelchair to get to the car, and after lifting the chair into the back, using a walker to get to the front seat. I'm thankful for Joe selling me his Subaru because otherwise I'd be dependent on the IndyGo shortbus.
I've also managed to piss Joe off, but everything that transpired needed to be said. I'd grown really dissatisfied with having him in my life anyway as he's so condescending and imperious. Maybe a bit too much like me eh?
John's castoff son Jack told his mom I'd been talking to him sexually and that I'd told him all about me an John being together. I found out he used it as an excuse for why he'd been acting out the past year and diverted pushishment for doing something by changing the focus unto me. I feel betrayed but not really surprised. Still though, it stings that he raved about what a good friend I was and sought my advice on religion and his feelings. Some of his questions really bothered me though.
His mother has forbidden him to be around me and after what he's done, I wouldn't want him around me anyway. Who knows what he could lie about in the future and I need to protect myself.
As a result, the truth came out that John was only saying he still lived with me so that I'd take care of his kid when he had him for visitation. HIs girlfriend wouldn't allow Jack to come stay there and John was okay with that. Father of the year eh?
Oh well, let the liars all live with each other.
With this bullshit going on with Jack, and John's girlfriend being uber insecure, John has told me to only contact him through email as she read's his text messages and monitors his location via a phone app. He stopped paying me any month and left his two dogs along with all his shit. I couldn't make my house payment this month. It was either that or eat.
Thankfully, I got a part time job working from home. It's not permanent but it should get me by for a few months. I hope I can handle dialysis, working, decling health, isolation and the coming winter.
I miss being trusting.
