Foolish Wishes

I find it strange that I struggle with letting go of those things that I should, and forget those that should linger. We grow complacent with how things are, hardly considering how things could have been unless it's something we're missing.

This morning I awoke early. It was grey and the window beaded with a slow rain. Somehow the unseasonably lukewarm weather we've been having suit my mood. I lay there, curled up against my dogs; my two closest friends. I started thinking about how things change. How things were and are, and even how they could have been.

How soft Shadow felt in my hands, and Eukas' warmth against me was very comforting. I started crying thinking of the day when I'm going to lose them. I'm crying now even writing about it. In my life thus far, they have been my favorite of all beings. How I wish they could be with me forever...but those are foolish wishes.

It's been nearly a month since I've spoken to Adam. A few nights before he left, before he admitted to himself that he was going to leave, we lay next to eachother in muted blue light. No words were spoken but I knew what was coming. I could see his determination in his face, how he hardened himself against me. I couldn't help myself, I reached out and started touching his face. My fingers crossed his cheeks, graced his eyebrows and caressed his boyish full lips. His eyes, glassy and dark opened.

"What are you doing?", he asked me.

"Memorizing your face for when you're gone", I replied.

am i wrong?

there's too much
that i keep to myself
and i turn my back on my faith
it's like glass
when we break
i wish no one in my place
and i've seen
you don't need their seeds
when their dirt goes in deep
and i'm lost in sleep
i can't stay
in this place
i can't stand
when the room turns round
on my fate
you give no guarantees
there's no promise
i can keep
i can't stand
i can't see my way
i feel blind
on my feet
i can't stay too long
am i wrong?

goodbye, lay the blame on luck

i'm so tired
of my mood
and sleep comes
with a knife, fork and a spoon
you're so pale
in your face
you let life
get in your way
and i've seen
you don't need their seeds
when their dirt goes in deep
and i'm lost in sleep
am i wrong?

goodbye, lay the blame on luck