in my sleep

mortality.   for some time now, the thoughts of my impending death has visited me more often than the sweet comforts of youth.  the realization that my life is over the half way mark has become unescapable. My health doesn't have that bounce back ability it used to.  I feel the pressure of my weight more with each day, and my legs constantly swell.

I think about what would happen to Sophie if I should pass.  Then I think about the pain I'll go through when she passes, and she's only 2 years old.  My mind drifts to getting another companion  puppy, but then I wonder if she'd be jealous. 

Later, I think of all my friends who have spouses, children....and how they won't be alone when they get old.  When I was younger, my grandparents has several friends that scared me.  They sat in old houses/apartments, all alone with their ruined leather chairs, ratty couches and televisions.  No one came to visit, or they had no children.  I so much don't want to end up alone, but I think it's our destiny.

I wonder how I will die.  I hope it's peaceful, and in my sleep.