review

it's been a year of loss, and a year of discovery.

I lost my dear shadow this year.  She was fourteen and my sweet, sweet little baby.  I remember how she fit in my palm the night we rescued her.  I had to feed her with a bottle and keep her close to my heart for warmth.  Her death affected  me diffferently than Euks....not less, just differently.

I lost one of my best friends this year.  We just drifted apart it seems, or maybe the friendship couldn't take the pressure of uncontrolled emotions, or maybe it was just our differences could no longer be hidden.

I also lost something I held very dear...My dungeons and dragons interest.  It took eight months before I could even plaly again.  Had to be with completely new people.  It's still not the same as when I was younger, and that I miss the most.

I'm feeling really, really old and just tired.  I'm feeling the weight of the world upon me, and although I fear death...somedays I can think of nothing more.

I discovered that I can go back to school, and do  reasonably well.  I also discovered that I can let go of anger, that I can say no....and that I am allowed to take revenge on dirty little lying faggots that hurt me many years ago.

I also realized how selflish everyone really is, especially my mother. She lies to herself, twists things so that the responsibility falls on other people, then removes herself from situations.  I pray so much that I'm not nor will be like her. 

and I discovered that all things pass. A tiny part stays with you, but things pass.  and most importantly, when you are empty, that makes room for something new.