lost.

Surrounded by autumn, caressed by chilly winds and thoughts of friends, lovers and things long past. 

I finally saw Randy Saturday.  It wasn't awkward, intense or eventfull, and I'm disappointed it was not.  I was hoping for some revelation that we were still very much good friends, or that some satisfaction was achieved by how they'd treated me.  The closest it got to being mentioned, was by his little girl Jordan. 

She asked why I'd not been over in a very, very long time, and why I wasn't there the night before with Katie.  I didn't offer an answer, and neither did he.  I talked to him a little about the star wars game and he's interested, but in joining my existing game, not something separate.

So, let me get this straight.  I get kicked out of the game I created, with people I kept together when they left or got angry with each other at various times, only to find that Randy took over running DND, the game is on hiatus, and now he want's to join what I scraped together anew?

I sent an email to Scott, DeWayne and John asking about their thoughts on his joining, out of curiosity...of course Scott was against it.  He says it's because of what he knows about Randy and what happened to me, but I"m quite sure it's about his control issues.  There I was, actually considering letting Randy in again, just like that....still compromising myself.

I think I lost that feeling for them, and I'm not sure if I can get it back.