beauty

reverberated strumming of guitar playing through computer speakers
ambient glow of monitor hastening deterioration of eyes
sweet, male voice begins to vocalize internal feelings shared.

listenting to Raised by Swans - North of Light's End

Week 5 of first semester of school.  So far doing well in all of my classes but one of my teachers isn't up to the task.  He's cut class short twice so he could go to another job, and wasn't here last week at all.  Today we were to have a make up glass, he didn't show until after half an hour....as we were almost to our cars.

My grandmother is showing the beginning signs of dementia.  She can't seem to remember things we've told her several times and it breaks my heart watching her fade.  Will that happen to me and would I care then?  It's both horrifying yet strangely narcotic to think about returning to the bliss of ignorance.  No one will be there for me then, I am quite certain.

Katie and I met for lunch Saturday and it went smoothly, but I still feel....like everything has changed.  It's not an uncomfortable feeling, just...I'm so exhausted of feeling angry, hurt and betrayed.   and even more tired of feeling like it was just desserts.   I miss randy so fucking much.

I got to run a game of Star Wars for Scott, DeWayne and John last friday.  It felt really good having my boys sitting at a table again. 

The weather today was grey and rainy.  Ultimate Beauty.