'different for me'

…my thoughts drift. I allow myself the folly of imagining a life with Cedric. I see rolling pillow fights on Sunday mornings with lots of giggling, I see quiet moments spent laying together and I see our legs entwined while we try to become as the other. I see these things and more, but my heart tells me something else.

“It’s different for me” he said. How sad am I? I speak to this guy for nearly three years, always keeping my composure, and two nights, …all that comes crashing down.

I can’t find words.