unlike me

I'd mercifully forgotten how alone I am, until now that is. Have I purposely isolated myself, or rid myself of users and liars as I'd thought?

I'm feeling old; really old down in my soul.

I could be in a relationship if I allowed myself to like these men that seek me. I can't bring myself to like anything but what I like...and I like younger, thin guys that have passion for life. Guys unlike me.

I can't believe how preoccupied with Cedric I have been. Visions of his body, his eyes intrude on me in the oddest moments. Do I want him more out of rejection, or the realization that I do indeed need love as I'd tried to convince myself otherwise. If I could just go back to that moment when I let him go...I'd hold him just as long as I could.

The world somehow seems empty now that I've met him. What do I have in my future? I know I sound all dire but when people affect me as much as he, I can't help but feel the reality of lonliness.

Unlike me.