Stop counting

I've decided to stop counting days since the surgery.  Maybe it's just laziness or that iit sunk in this is forever.  The reality of it isn't that poetic; I'm constipated, can't each more than a few bites of food and when I do, I feel like I'm going to burst.

I've already noticed a difference in my body - mostly thighs feel less ...malleable.

I've been really introspective lately.  I had a friend abandon me right after the amputation, well he was more than a friend; he was my hero slash crush.  We would talk everyday and I valued his opinion even if disagreeing.  Primarily we were gaming buds as that was how we met.

I  was abrasive and pushy, he was flirtatious and aloof - bad bromance recipe.  When he decided he'd rather play the married daddy role again, we drifted.  He brought a bunch of miniatures for D&D over because he'd stopped playing. At the time, it was my the only social event in my life, and it really hurt because I was losing the silly dream of his being mine, my gaming group (others stopped talking to me) and someone to drink with.

When I was trying to make him understand how I was feeling, he made an off comment about how the bouncing DirecTv logo never reached the corner.  Was it meant to lighten the mood?  It just reinforced he didn't care. I stopped trying then.

Flash forward a few years and he's hinting he wants the mini's back.  I'm not using them; they're mixed in with mine and some part of me wants to punish him.  When he left, along with that bitch Katie and eric, he participated in killing one of the few things I loved in my life. 

I think that I will always want/miss him, but can I find it in my heart to forgive,...and can he as well?