doubting

i'm exhausted and can't sleep.  feeling anxious, and on edge. 

my friday night group is coming to my house this week, as we're trying to avoid the superbowl crowd coming to town.  as is always the case, trying to impress two straight boys, i volunteered to cook lasagna.  i thought to myself, well...i'm only taking two classes, how much strife can it cause?

now i'm concerned how clean my house is, how muddy it's getting with all the rain because right after cleaning, sophie tracks mud...etc.  then there's chris...

my roomie is turning out to be quite the liar and thief. 

incident one december:
chris paid me back after borrowing twenty dollars.  i bought something minor and stuck the change in the sun visor on the driver's side.  a few days later, when he and john were working on my car, chris volunteered that my car door was unlocked.  i checked, and the only thing missing was the money.

incident two, right after christmas,
I had cash on me as a fluke.  I stood in the kitchen and and sorted my cash by denomination, and placed it back in my wallet.  about two hours later, we were going to order something, go to the store...dunno, but there was a reason for me getting in my wallet.  some cash was missing. i looked in the kitchen, pants....anywhere i'd been.   i knew exactly how much was missing.   then chris said he 'found' it by the microwave, and that my old ass had probably just laid it there.  ...when sorting my money, i was standing on the other end of the kitchen; chris was the one by microwave.

incident three, a few days ago.
again, had cash on my from chris paying rent.  i laid a fiver on my computer desk to remind me to give to him as he'd overpaid and we didn't have change.  nevermind that i'd bought him pop, milk, and other little items.  later that day, he was on the computer and I remembered the five bucks.  when i came in the room, it was gone.  i asked him about it and he said he'd not seen it.   after explaining that I was going to give it to him, he then admitted he just grabbed it, because I owed it to him.   and wasn't going to say anything cause it was only five bucks. 

it was at this point, i put it together.

tonight, i went into his room. 
there was his pony tail that he's told everyone he donated to cancer patients.
there were the forks laying on the floor after he said he'd looked for them
there was the bottle of lotion he claimed he threw away because it cracked and was leaking

what to do.

randy has expressed interest in joining my sunday game, but requested that we not play every sunday.  why is it that even agreeing with that, i feel contrary?  for the past few days, i sat and tried to explore if there's any feelings left for him...i can't remember the answers if there were any.

the situation with john is strange.  he's hinting more and more at money issues, all passive agressive like.  whatever obligation i felt i had for him, paid in full.

so....there is probably the reasons for my current state.  i'm doubting.