some truths

John is a proven liar, but I keep finding myself wanting, needing to believe in him.  Like that moment when he says he's at the hospital with this wife when I know it's after visiting hours.  Throw in he owes me money from three weeks ago; I'm lonely and still dream of being his wife. 

My mother got hurt when I told her how I felt about her complaining all the time while I was in the hospital for a heart attack.  Now she doesn't talk to me out of spite or because she doesn't want to complain too much.  

I'm afraid of losing my grandmother so much that I cut her out of my life years ago. 

One thought, one word from Randy and I'm right back in that same spot where I am loving him from a distance, and secretly liking it. 

I'm afraid of dying, yet not too opposed to the idea.