everything changes

this time of time has always been my friend. when the house is quiet and dark, i slip through obstacles and find myself surrounded by the isolation within. it's rare when my out matches my in.

I'm a little saddened that my feelings for Jay aren't as tormenting as I thought they would be. how fucked up is that? have I lost the capacity to feel intensely? I've just to look in hiss dark eyes, flashing smile, chest hair or goofy gait and I stand transfixed. He's so available at work, but when away, I never hear from him.

steve decided to go back to his wife, but she's hesitant. That's hurt his ego I believe. I wish I could help him as it's obvious he's hurting, but he did bring this on himself. He knows it too and that's the part that I'm worried over. A dose of reality, although needed, may not be what was needed right now. I hope he has a happy ending.

speaking of endings and happiness, it seems my boss thinks gay people can change if they choose. flabberghasted is not even a word to describe the whole scenario. I know she's a little sheltered, but I always picture die hard southern baptist stupid fucks thinking that way, not someone I admire. Comforting that I'm still not as acccepted as the media would have you think.

I really wish something would change for me.