what should I do?

time is moving strangely. seems like so much time is spent alone, nothing but the glare of the screen to light my way.

steven called me while I was in class wednesday. he left a message telling me that he was on his way to nevada and was currently in missouri. we've spoken briefly since then.

he should be there by now, and i'm hoping he gets the help he needs.

met a few new people online, but none of them really get my attention. there's still the thought of cedric though.

god, I don't know what to do. most of me wants to wait on steven, but that tiny part tells me to stop being silly. it's that same voice i always hear, telling me to play it safe, not to do anything cause i'll get hurt.

spent about two and a half hours talking to cedric. oh, how intoxicating he is. like an exotic chocolate, sweet to my lips. what is this i'm feeling? hope? there's definitely an attraction, there always has been.

i'm somehow able to be comfortable with him. god he's incredible. i'm so torn. i still love steven, but i started letting go along time ago, when I saw the storm coming. i kept cedric in the backe of my mind, now allowing myself to think too much about it. but now, after talking to him tonight, i have butterflies in my stomach.

what should I do?