the storm

At times I’m so filled with calm, then the storm comes, rushing over me, flooding. I just can’t get the vision of him sitting in my green chair, rocking and that flashing smile.

This is really hurting me, moreso than Adam because I thought we had this incredible connection. I loved his darkness, it somehow made mine not so lonely. When I was with him, I forgot my pain. Now that he’s gone, it’s come back seven fold.

I go to work, smile and pretend that nothing is wrong. I talk to my friends and tell them what they want to hear, how angry I am and how much I’m glad he’s gone. I’m not sure I can do this much longer. I’m not sure if I can go on.

There’s just been too many birds picking at my soul.