more and more

My heart is breaking. Much of the time I sit alone, even when he's in the room; always aware of how he doesn't touch me.

He says it's because of his being molested when he was younger. He says it's because he has to be the one to initiate it or it freaks him out. He says that he wants to be with me.

He says alot of things.

I found out that he's been using again; one night he didn't even come home. Why did I allow myself to care again. He makes me feel so ugly and stupid. He says things will get better once he starts working again. He says that he's still attracted to me, just that he's not felt too aroused because of his recent using. He says he never wants to do it again.

He says alot of things. And I'm finding I'm not believing more and more.