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Strange days.  Three weeks since I've spoken to John...and it mostly feels like the right thing to do.  There is so much anger for how things were allowed to happen.  I keep waiting for the whole 'new girlfriend' thing to happen with Eric.

My bariatric tests are all complete. I just have to wait for insurance to approve and a date to be set.  I'm getting a bit nervous about  the whole thing - complications.  The second the dr said the odds are very slim, I just knew I'd fall in that category....as I usually have.

Finished watching Eureka and missing the character Jack Carter.  I want a goofy guy like that.  Eric is close but I'm so afraid of opening myself up to him.  I don't think I could take the pain again. 

Randy messaged me a few weeks ago saying he was dancing to the cure's Pictures of you"  Now the little fucker has me thinking about the past again.  Not too surprising as Eric and I are reduced to sexting due to his exhausting schedule with all the theater jobs.  I miss having a best friend, why do I always have to complicate things with emotion?

I remember first meeting Randy.  He showed up at the house on keystone to pick me up.  Raymond had just called me to say how cute he was and I was hoping to disapprove.  Sure he was a little too clean cut for my taste, but when those deep brown eyes smiled at me, I melted.  Oh if he only knew how beautiful I find his eyes.

Anyway, he's married to a woman I can't stand and doing the whole daddy thing again.  He hurt me too many times by just dropping me when I needed friends more than anything.  I'd lost my job, then my d&d group and finally my foot slash dreams of a normal life.

But you make the best of what you can.   My life is simple now.  Still though,...