further

the roar of the highway filters in through my open windows. even after midnight, engines rush to some unknown destination, in such hurry.

i can''t sleep. the pressure of so many things going wrong as of late has me feeling removed. my car, my roof, my central air, school, friends, etc. i'm finding it harder to even care. cedric left mme a message a week back and hinted that his relationship was in its last stages. he said he wanted to talk to me about my saying he could come here.

i have mixed feelings about it. most importantly, am i ready? i like him very much, but you see, something's changed since he was here last november. i'm falling for jay. even as I write his name, my stomach gets all nervy and tight ; my heart beats faster in nervous response.

steve and i hardly hang out anymore. he's preoccupied with cleaning up his relationship with his wife and family. i gather his mother's side is fed up and not including him in functions. combineed with money woes, he's all gun ho about getting back with her. i doubt his sincerity.

randy has been drinking alot lately and very moody when he does drink. i see the signs coming on that.

adam, back with his bf, hasn't called me in 2 weeks. yeah, i'm done on that shit too. as for steven morris, was he even really here? did he contribute anything at all....or did he just take?

yeah, i'm in a dark place right now. everyone and everything means so little.

the further away I get from the things I care about, the less I care about how much further away I get.