slow weekend.

I wish I could say I'm stronger than I am, but seeing Steven's profile online really shook me. It was confirmation that he's not coming back, nor waiting for me as I have been for him. I also wish I could say my waiting was by choice, but for the most part, it isn't.

I hooked up with John the monday after Steven left, out of lonliness and a hope that it would lessen the absence. That was the last time I ever saw him.

Since then, I've had several offers for sex...mostly from 'open relationshipers' or random chats online. Other than Cedric or Dan, no one really holds my attention. They're both far away and involved - double negatives against finding a solution to the equation that is my hoped for romance. Still though, I can lose myself for a few moments when I talk to them. They make me forget just how alone I am.

Wow...I'm turning down sex with hot guys. What the hell is wrong with me?

When I close my eyes and curl up for sleep, it's Steven wishing was there.

How I wish someone would come into my life and save me.