everything falls apart.
sitting here, 39 and unsure of my future. I couldn't keep my mouth shut, and i got fired from my job because I posted something on facebook. My company nor my boss was mentioned by name, but they gave that as a reason. I feel like such a loser.
i feel estranged from my friends. the love I had for randy has finally died, and it's left behind an emptiness that I didn't expect. I thought there would only be left friendship, but now...I look at him, and there's very little feeling left at all of anykind.
katie has dropped out of my game. I know she needs to deal with issues, but i'm angry not because of her leaving, but because I really, really need friends right now, and no one's available. it's my own fault though.
and i'm falling in love with this young boy. he's hot, then he's cold. maybe it's the confusion that's enticing me. just saying that sounds disgusting and perverted. I'm a balding old man with diabetes, impotent and have feet and legs that swell. what the hell could I ever offer someone? the irony, just when I think i'm mature enough to handle love, I don't think anyone will ever love me again.
andrew told me the other night that he couldn't take a long distance relationship again. I get mixed signals from him as most nights we talk until almost dawn. I cant tell if he likes the idea of me, or really likes me. He makes comments that he's attracted to thin guys, but looking at his past boyfriends, they've been bald/bear types. I let my hopes get up that he's really into me, but cows to society's impression on what one should like.
It seems like my life has slowly crumbled since Eukas died. Since then, I've lost my job, Shadow is now showing the same signs as Eukas did a few months before she past, I've lost my job and my one other pleasure - dnd isnt fun anymore.
I'm so fucking lonely. my house echoes with silence and i need distractions to keep from worrying / thinking about everything. I fear a crash is coming.
I really had my hopes up to work with randy and eric, but also felt that I wasn't qualified for the job. less than 24 hours later, I had a vm that I didn't get it. I just feel like i'm not good enough for anyone or anything.
sitting here, 39 and unsure of my future. I couldn't keep my mouth shut, and i got fired from my job because I posted something on facebook. My company nor my boss was mentioned by name, but they gave that as a reason. I feel like such a loser.
i feel estranged from my friends. the love I had for randy has finally died, and it's left behind an emptiness that I didn't expect. I thought there would only be left friendship, but now...I look at him, and there's very little feeling left at all of anykind.
katie has dropped out of my game. I know she needs to deal with issues, but i'm angry not because of her leaving, but because I really, really need friends right now, and no one's available. it's my own fault though.
and i'm falling in love with this young boy. he's hot, then he's cold. maybe it's the confusion that's enticing me. just saying that sounds disgusting and perverted. I'm a balding old man with diabetes, impotent and have feet and legs that swell. what the hell could I ever offer someone? the irony, just when I think i'm mature enough to handle love, I don't think anyone will ever love me again.
andrew told me the other night that he couldn't take a long distance relationship again. I get mixed signals from him as most nights we talk until almost dawn. I cant tell if he likes the idea of me, or really likes me. He makes comments that he's attracted to thin guys, but looking at his past boyfriends, they've been bald/bear types. I let my hopes get up that he's really into me, but cows to society's impression on what one should like.
It seems like my life has slowly crumbled since Eukas died. Since then, I've lost my job, Shadow is now showing the same signs as Eukas did a few months before she past, I've lost my job and my one other pleasure - dnd isnt fun anymore.
I'm so fucking lonely. my house echoes with silence and i need distractions to keep from worrying / thinking about everything. I fear a crash is coming.
I really had my hopes up to work with randy and eric, but also felt that I wasn't qualified for the job. less than 24 hours later, I had a vm that I didn't get it. I just feel like i'm not good enough for anyone or anything.
posted by Robbie at
1:05 AM
1 Comments:
I love you.
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