in fear of ghosts

It's happening all over again. Something just doesn't feel right. I ask when might I be able to trust again, and I begin to think that I am...until those little things start to happen.

Things like email flirtations, walking away with my cell phone for private phone conversations and other little mysteries that pop up. I'm getting nervous and frustrated at how things are going. I feel like I can't express my worries to him. I feel silly sometimes when I try to talk to him; as if all my doubts are unfounded and I'm this big, insecure mess.

This feeling just won't go away that everything isn't as it seems. I'm experienced enough to know that if you look hard enough, you'll find it. This all just reeks of john all over again.

Steven said he loved me last night. I'm not sure how I took it.

it's like that cure song....

"the further I get from the things I care about, the less I care about how much further away I get"

I just want to be near him.