Appropriate
It began and ended appropriately.
I opened my eyes, stumbled out of bed, saw the sun shining through my dirty windowns and thought about the day's significance.
There was a message on my computer from Adam, and we ended up talking all day. I don't ever remember talking to him that long. Most of it was his venting, or crying over his breakup. We did have some laughs though, and I think we understand eachother alot better. It's closure for me I think.
He apologized for what he had done to me. And that was enough.
He's ready to leave Scott and I think it's for the best. He needs some time to heal and I told him some of the things that help me through difficulties like that. Poor guy, this is his first time getting heartbroken. The dysfunctional part of me keeps whispering that both he and his ex deserve exactly what they get. I don't like that part of me.
He's probably going to his mother's if he does leave. It all depends on if he get's this job from Scott's (his exboyfriend) sister. I really don't want him going there because I know she's going to debase him on being gay. He doesn't need that right now. So, I invited him here. I'm not quite sure of all my reasoning.
I do admit that I have a fantasy of his returning to me, even moreso that he's a bit more experienced and mature. Still though, I'm still hurting a bit at how easily I was discarded. I took a nap because it was becoming too much for me. What about my Scott? Would he get along with Adam? He's very difficult to live with.
When I awoke, Adam had called several times but I avoided the phone. I spoke with Scott and told him how I was feeling and he was surprisingly supportive. I don't give him enough credit. So, I came on the computer to check messages...and Adam had left me one stating that he probably had that job and was going to move to Pennsylvania.
My day ends with another late night journal entry, a freshly reopened wound and dashed hopes.
...how very, very appropriate.
I opened my eyes, stumbled out of bed, saw the sun shining through my dirty windowns and thought about the day's significance.
There was a message on my computer from Adam, and we ended up talking all day. I don't ever remember talking to him that long. Most of it was his venting, or crying over his breakup. We did have some laughs though, and I think we understand eachother alot better. It's closure for me I think.
He apologized for what he had done to me. And that was enough.
He's ready to leave Scott and I think it's for the best. He needs some time to heal and I told him some of the things that help me through difficulties like that. Poor guy, this is his first time getting heartbroken. The dysfunctional part of me keeps whispering that both he and his ex deserve exactly what they get. I don't like that part of me.
He's probably going to his mother's if he does leave. It all depends on if he get's this job from Scott's (his exboyfriend) sister. I really don't want him going there because I know she's going to debase him on being gay. He doesn't need that right now. So, I invited him here. I'm not quite sure of all my reasoning.
I do admit that I have a fantasy of his returning to me, even moreso that he's a bit more experienced and mature. Still though, I'm still hurting a bit at how easily I was discarded. I took a nap because it was becoming too much for me. What about my Scott? Would he get along with Adam? He's very difficult to live with.
When I awoke, Adam had called several times but I avoided the phone. I spoke with Scott and told him how I was feeling and he was surprisingly supportive. I don't give him enough credit. So, I came on the computer to check messages...and Adam had left me one stating that he probably had that job and was going to move to Pennsylvania.
My day ends with another late night journal entry, a freshly reopened wound and dashed hopes.
...how very, very appropriate.
posted by Robbie at
2:00 AM
3 Comments:
You invited him in because he still owns you, lock, stock and barrel. Nothing to feel bad about, it happens.
The only reason he came to you was for a shoulder to cry on, and he knew you'd be there. None of that crossed his mind when he was leaving you.
It really is better that he moves away; at least then you have a chance to end the luvfatuation and focus on your own happiness. And that needs to happen, trust me...
Love,
-Someone You Left Behind
Someone I left behind?
Yeah, over something pretty trivial, too. It's too bad, because I think we could've become good friends.
But that's neither here nor there...this is about you and your problems with this dance-away lover, who knows you like the back of his hand and is willing to use it to get what he needs.
I've been following this off and on for the past couple of months, first saw this blog shortly after he left.
You've heard of the term "dance-away lover," right? Well, he's the definition, and if he were to even accept your proposal, he'd keep just out of reach from you the whole time he was there. Does this other guy really know the connection you two share?
Listen to what your gut is telling you.
peace
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