Wednesday, February 05, 2014

not really

So, it's been a year since my surgery. 

A year of abject isolated virtual non movement.  I estimate being outside less than 20 times in the last year, including brief trips out on the ramp for sun. 

Lots of changes and yet, not any at all.  I'm still living alone, still playing DnD, still waiting on John to basically do everything for me that I can't.  Mother is still self centered and unable to feel happiness. 

I binge sleep, binge eat, and also binge feel.  I"m in a difficult position as the house payment the state was making for me, has ran its course.  and now I'm two months behind  as of four days ago.  I"m in the process of getting mortgage help though, and if it goes well, my payment will go down to 31% max of my disability check.   Things will be tight, but aren't they always?

The position I'm in, is allowing Raphael to move in.  He's up front about still smoking crack, but he's indicated he wants to move in.  Rule being he must smoke the shit elsewhere nor be high while he's here.  He was here for about a week, did alot of cleaning, but mostly slept.  Per the web, this is normal for crackheads when they're on a low period. 

As soon as he got paid on the first, he left and has been gone calls or indication he's coming back. That money would definitely allow extra cash, but I can make it without him if need be. 

I need to restart the process of getting a prosthetic, instead of killing time playing baldur's gate and civ 5.   I type that knowing it's 4:30 in the morning, just ate half of a huge ass pizza sub and watching tv. 

some things change, but they haven't, not really.